My Vintage Kitchen

Cranberry Scones

I've made a game. Here are some scone facts. Try and
choose the correct word. Good Luck!

1. A scone is a bread thicker than a
a. bannock
b. snoogle-fleeger

2. It is made of wheat, barley or
a. cornmeal
b. oatmeal

3. The scone closely resembles a North American
biscuit (many recipes are, in fact, identical) —
itself not to be confused with the Commonwealth
biscuit, which equates to what North Americans call
a. toast
b. cookie

4. In Canada, both a commonwealth biscuit and a scone
are referred to as
a. tea biscuits
b. sea biscuits

5. Another name for a soda scone is a
a. soda farl
b. soda fart

6. A Scottish variety of scone is known as the
griddle scone, pronounced
a. gridlay
b. girdle

Thank you for playing. I hope that you learned a
little about scones. Perhaps you can use this
knowledge during your next worthless facts seminar.
The answers are as follows
1. a
2. b
3. b
4. a
5. a
6. b

A Pretty Sweet Thing

Back before my pristine blogging career I worked in the car rental business. I would pick people up, drop people off, drop cars off, and fancy about the office in a short skirt in hopes of increasing sales. One day while writing up a rental ticket for a local older Indy man he was overcome with ...how did he put it....oh yes, "a pretty sweet thing" and felt the need to SMACK ME ON THE FANNY! I was stunned. Did modern man really resort to such things still? Couldn't he have clubbed me over the head, grabbed me by the hair, and dragged me to his cave instead? I politely finished up the ticket, went back to the office, and made sure the dealership that was working on his car couldn't get it finished in remotely the amount of time he needed...those guys were great. Now for another pretty sweet thing that is a tad rich for our taste and has the possibility of curling your teeth. You may need a smackeral of milk to cut the sugar, but, it makes a great presentation and is packed with caffienated goodness. SWEET ESPRESSO CAKE...

A Tribute to Blueberry Muffin

When I was a little girl I always got sacked with the boy dolls. Perhaps it was my many trips to the
junkyard with my father, or my penchant for basketball,I don't know, but this is the way it was. Something screamed to all gift givers that I wanted a Cool-Shavin Ken, the guy rocker, Hawaiian Ken, Rhett from Gone with the Wind, or Donnie Osmond. It was always this way. Didn't they think that I might WANT to do hair?...not Ken of Barbie and the rockers either. Didn't they think it might mess with me a little that Ken always wore molded on whitey tighty's? Dog gonnit, I just wanted frickin Blueberry frickin muffin to play with my sister's Strawberry Shortcake, but all I had was the evil villain...Purple Pie Guy.  Well, in all of my enlightened adult years I have had plenty of time to think about this and I have come to one conclusion. I'M A GIRL DAMMIT, and all of those people who bought me those dolls were jerks.

Here is my tribute you to Blueberry Muffin.

Funky Flounder

You know, every great cook has a few mishaps.  This one is fairly attractive, but low on taste, so, if you enjoy vomit and sewer gas you should fasten your seat-belt and come along for the ride. No, wait, we honestly wouldn't wish this dish on our worst enemy...even J'lo. Please take a moment, check out the picture, and pretend it tastes good.

Info-mercial overload

Atkins anyone? Alright, I know it is totally passe, not mention it gives you killer breath, so as not to entice anyone to ask you to dinner, but, this is a fantastic protein packed salad. Not, to mention, you can use that George Foreman grill that you bought back in the 90's in hopes of having Forman eggs and bacon with zero cleanup, yeah right. Whoever doesn't bother cleaning that thing thoroughly deserves the salmonella/ebolla virus that they get. But, for me the bigger problem is ....how did they do the eggs on that infomercial, and what the hell am I going to do with this bonus quick chopper. I know, I know, I will chop up some of my chia herb garden, dehydrate it with the RonCo, then shove it between two slices of bread with some of that roasted leg of lamb from my roaster, and have a party with little to no cleanup. Speaking of stuff, have you seen the herb garden that grows under artificial light right in your kitchen? You start it with chemicals and water I think...and a butchered chicken for spiritual purposes. Wait three days, do a rain dance under the hood of your stove and POOF, fresh herbs for anytime of day. I love cable.

Here is a recipe for Italian Herb Dressing. To really make your salads work well try using the same herbs in your dressings that you use on your meat. Also one really good way of changing this up a bit is to do the chicken BBQ style and add 2 Tablespoons of the same BBQ to your vinaigrette. VERY TASTY!

Persuasive Cookies

Sometimes it takes extreme measures when using our powers of persuasion. For instance, when I was 4 years old my mother sent me to our Japanese neighbors house to get her secret recipe for grilled teriyaki chicken. Did the neighbor honestly think I was going to make easy-bake oven teriyaki chicken....ahh the smell of it would fill my closet as Holly Hobby and I had a little barbecue party. No, it was all a manipulative ploy to get that recipe. Who can say no to a 4 year old who has been specially trained in extracting information. Today, we are cooking up one such recipe. It is a fantastic chocolate chip cookie with a salty flair. A quick word of caution. The lovely person that gave us this recipe warns to ONLY use the brand names given or else the taste magic will
be compromised. We worked very hard to get you this recipe, and let me just say that if I EVER have to walk a heard of moneys down main street again it will be too soon, so appreciate it.

Homegrown Baby Food Fer the Youngins

 
Today I was (embarrassingly) called out on my country grammar. It was my sister that done it. She is one of the other owners of "My Vintage Kitchen". She say's I write good, so I am in charge of writing. Anyways, I very nonchalantly referred to the grocery store as a plural rather than singular. For instance "I went to Walmart" or "I went to Walmarts" The truth of the matter is that I don't go to neither. I try not to shop at the superstore(s)...is that correct? I don't like that I can't find a place to park my car at. It's like theirs ain't nobody around to help me. Don't anybody care nomore? Sometime when I decide I can't nolonger stand the idea's of the traffic I us
rifle threw my own house fer somethin ta feed the youngins. Like homegrown sweet tater baby food. Here is the short of it. Boil it and boil it until it is mush, than mash it and mash it while adding liquid (water, formula, whatever your baby eats) until it  is runny, and then freeze it in ice cube trays to make lovely little portions for your lovely little one. 

Social Suicide

While in high-school one must consider the standards set for social suicide.  A small list would be things such as band, computer club, hall monitor, chess club, that kid that wore the belt with the name Brad on it even though we all knew his name was Nathan, and lunch room helper.  These all being said, one thing in particular will earn you this place on the bottom of the adolescent food chain and it is "the kid with the smelly lunch."  Therefor, I advise all people reading this (even those in office settings as we know its just "Big" high-school) to avoid tuna salad, egg salad, limburger cheese, or liver-worst and onions while in the lunch/break room.  You see, here at My Vintage Kitchen we care about YOU, and although we are about to post a yummy egg salad, we want to make sure that everyone is on the same page. Please only eat this recipe in the privacy of your home and if you don't, you didn't get it here.

Kitchen Update

Do you remember that period of time where it was the
hight of fashion to decorate your kitchen with cows
and piggy's?  Well, at My Vintage Kitchen we remember
it only so well....but the time has come for change,
and the paint is still a-dryin.  I am going to miss
those long conversations with the animals in the
borders about the crazy lady next door.  I think about
the woman who put her heart and soul into the decor
and I picture her in her pleated jeans pegged at the
bottom and very very tall bangs sitting quietly
sipping a cup of  international delight coffee and
thinking about Paris.  Or perhaps she wore a jean
dress with an apple on the front...I don't know or
care, but, I think of her.  So, as we end an era ....a
stroll down memory lane, know this....country
kitchen....we will miss you.

A Moment of Silence to thank the French

 

Sometimes a recipe is so good that no clever banter can prepare you for what is about to dance on your taste-buds.  So, without further ado....let us take a moment of silence to thank the
French..........................................................................................................and that's enough.  (they get cocky if you give them too much praise)